Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Slacker fired

In an age where hard work and honesty are paying increasingly greater dividends, 26-year old software consultant Tukaram Namdeo was fired yesterday from his cushy job after he was found slacking off during working hours for over three days. The Mumbai-based engineer was severely reprimanded by his manager after he was found doing nothing and yet occupying his seat idly. The reason for Namdeo's behaviour is learned to be death.

"Inexcusable, really" muttered manager Vineet Goudapad, attracting many Google searches to this article with one fell stroke of a surname. "He was here on Tuesday and he just died on us that evening. And it was a Friday yesterday too and everyone's mood got spoiled because of this. Plus, it's not easy firing someone on a Friday. You think managers have fun doing this? Leaves a bad taste in the mouth."

"You don't know how hard it is," he added movingly.

Sources say Tukaram suffered death silently for three whole days before people found out he had left the land of the living. Close friend and colleague Madan Valgrind, with an even more improbable surname, said that he had often seen Tukaram in that final posture of his and therefore did not worry too much when the latter did not get up from his chair even once, not even to get a glass of water or pass urine (not into the same glass).

"He was a quiet sort of person," clarified Valgrind. "He was known to go days without saying a word. He'd be working on something and didn't like to be disturbed. He wore disposable diapers to the office too. Thought the long walk to the toilet was a waste of time."

Police said it was indeed surprising that Namdeo's fellow employees did not notice the odd smell emanating from his body after his death but admitted that Thursday's "Pizza night," when some management official arrived from the US and ordered pizzas for everybody and delighted them all with his ready wit and Texan drawl and unexpected attacks against Third World countries, may have had something to do with it. Meanwhile, Namdeo's in-house death seems not to be an isolated incident in industry.

"Death, affecting one in every one Indians, is a serious threat to businesses everywhere." opined management guru Prahlad. "Profit margins plummet, stocks quickly become worth nothing and there's that whole business of sadness, despair, grief and mourning leading to a crippling loss of productivity. When heads of companies die, there's also a lot of legal issues about their property and so on. This 'death thing' will ruin us. It must be tackled head on."

Added he mysteriously "I am working on it."

Tukaram will now apparently be shifted for cremation to his native Sholapur, where his house was only recently attacked by the Shiv Sena for stabbing them in the back.

7 comments:

Sandeep Cavale said...

Hmm.. So this is why everyone here in office are wearing black bands today.

I'm now considering taking a day off tomorrow to grieve the unfortunate death of Tukaram. May his soul rest in peace..

Parisarapremi said...

heeg aagbaardittu...

shOkapooritavaag ide. paapa.

harishkumarn said...

nin blog-du look and feel yaako change maaDkonDidi.

The Darkling Thrush said...

heh, i read this one. moral of the story was something to the effect of "don't work so hard, nobody gives a shit anyway".

pooja said...

I'm waiting for your next post. Gotalla yavdu anta. :)

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