Friday, March 06, 2009

The Andhra wedding game

Here is a new board game I think ought to be made. I wish I had the mojo to make pictures to explain it better. But I don't, and this is the result. Imagination is more important than knowledge anyway.

Start --> If you pass this square, collect four hundred rupees and two laddoos.

Mill --> Dowry time! Your prospective father-in-law gifts you one rice mill and two flour mills. And a sawdust mill, just for the heck of it. Collect as many mills as you can as you go along. Every little thing counts towards the victory points!

Factory --> More dowry time! The girl's father must now give you a granite factory, preferably on the banks of the Godavari, in exchange for a small token of gratitude from you. You can trade him Medak district for this, if you so wish. Nobody wants Medak anyway.

Unleash violence --> Players landing on this square have the opportunity to unleash waves of death and destruction upon the families of their opponents, at random. Real violence, not just knocking their playing tokens down. Hack at them with a machete, blow their jeeps up, set fire to their houses, push their women and children into deep wells. The objective is to achieve a bloodfest unlike anything seen before.

Incursion --> The evil Vennello Aadapilla Reddy has occupied three hundred acres of the most barren land in the Rayalaseema belt. Exert political pressure so that he is brought crumbling down and you can go sit there, although you can't really do anything on that land.

Caste violence --> It's casteism time! Members of the collector's caste have established their dominance over the state assembly for far too long. Break their hold, and necks, by mowing their men down with jeeps and roaring "Oreyyyy!!!!" with unrestrained rage, in the process displaying teeth reddened by betel leaves.

Real estate domination --> Take over the real estate market in the capital city of an entirely different state. Build flats, houses, malls, skyscrapers. Make so much money, you have to produce movies to get rid of it. Or sometimes, just set fire to great big piles of it. Or use it as a post-lunch hand-wiping tissue. Charge a little over the GDP of Ghana and a kidney for each house you build.

Vocabulary --> Repeatedly utter words like "rape-u chestanu" and "pumpistanu" to your fellow players. Whoever does it the longest gets a flyover in Hyderabad and a train ending at Renigunta named after him (not him/her. Women are mere commodities.).

Cyberabad:- Construct an IT hub and fill it with people submitting fake resumes. Sometimes, even fake people. Make deals between two of your own companies, one of which is radically named by reversing the letters in another's name.

Secession:- Ask for a separate state. No, in reality. Stop the game if you land on this square, get up, form a political party and start demanding a separate state for the people of a certain region. It would help if you're an ex- movie star and can hold two thumbs or middle-fingers up and grin widely.

Jail:- Game over.

16 comments:

nivedita said...

The Reddy clan will be after your blood now.

Maybe you should add a disclaimer that you're part gulti. That might save you a few limbs.

Malaveeka said...

Lol.

Can women play though?

wanderlust said...

isn't jail where your career begins?
and you should probably add in something for ramgopal verma. despite all pretenses, that guy is gulti to the core. he used to be a college goon in andhra once upon a time.
how about this
saaftware-lu engineer-lu: join a coaching center to crack entrance to srichaitanya coaching center. obtain JEE rank within 400. consistently top your tronix course at IITM. apply to top US univ. author a dozen research papers. get a high-flying internship in silicon valley. mysteriously get stabbed to death in your apartment one fine day. game over.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Nivedita] Nah, it's ok. Let them come after me. I'll negoatiate with them. Maybe I'll recite a poem or two of Allasani Peddana or Vemana. Or suddenly scream "Oreyyyyy!!!!" full-throatedly.

[Malaveeka] A mere woman? Play? Never!!

Maybe you can.

[wanderlust] Heh, brilliant suggestions. Should have added the IIT student bit, don't know why I forgot that.

Junior of mine made this joke:- "Emi-lu? Men's loo!"

nivedita said...

[wanderlust] lol

[Arjun] Strange how I go on a commenting spree every 20th post that you write. I've probably last commented on some post ca. December 2006.

Yes, you did bad forgetting the gultis in IIT and Silicon Valley. Shame.

being purple... said...

So this is what you have been upto.

Hmmm.

Can you make a board-game called "I-ameffing-bored-out-of-my-mind-here-so-please-help?"

The aim should be to destroy all the Mind-Eaters that may invade your living space in the form of tutors.

Anna Bond said...

from my limited gult knowledge, i think 'champestaanu' goes well with rapeu chestaanu
:)

Malaveeka said...

You making fun of me is getting dull.

I think you should ignore me for another 6 months.

silk smitha and disco shanti said...

how about one square for false bank account declaration to obtain a US visa-lu..!??

Princess Fiona said...

hehehhe..good one..maybe u could get the rajus themselves to fund u for actually making this into a board game..

and sorry..but i couldnt help myself...

Golt: Yemundi?
Tam: Erumai Kundi!

let me know if u need a translation! :)

Suhas Prakash said...

Innovative ways to get an MS seat should be included as one of the options.

Also, a software job in bangalore [might be outdated but correct me if the scenario has really changed there]

ivanhoe said...

there's a game called GTA..

Anonymous said...

WRU???

nivedita said...

The Chinese guy wants you to go here:
http://sex.058.com.tw/

wanderlust said...

@nivedita:
don't call him chinese. he's taiwanese.

Anonymous said...

Awesome