Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Dosas complain of discrimination towards idlis

Jun 30(Reuters) - Dosas all over the South Indian state of Tamil Nadu have dashed off a strongly worded letter of protest to the chairman of the Food Corporation of India complaining of discrimination against them, in favour of idlis. The discrimination, they say, is because idlis are small, fair and round and the all-too-common-and-well-known Indian fascination with white skin is leading to them taking precedence over the browner-skinned dosas as the South Indian breakfast item of choice.

The elderly spokesperson of the Agila Indhiya Dosai Sangham(AIDS), Plain dosa, yesterday expressed his displeasure over the dietary habits of South Indians across the world by revealing these telling facts. Despite their evident crunchiness, their abilities to host a larger number of vegetables within their ample person and their ready accord with sambar, chutney, pudi/podi, rasam, various vegetable palyas/poriyals/curries and other gastronomical side-dish commonalities, more and more people were ignoring them and moving on to the easier-to-eat idlis, which went well only with sambar, chutney, pudi/podi and ghee-plus-sugar. Plain suspected this was mainly because of a numbers-game psychology among consumers wherein they felt happier by eating ten idlis rather than two dosas. The superiority of the quantity of idlis eaten, he added, gave people a false high and they would go out to the world with unreal estimates of their own strengths and capabilities, only to be brutally cut down to size later by real life. Dosas helped keep a perspective of reality, he further postulated. Hakuna matata, he strangely concluded.

Masala, agreeing with close friend Rava, said the idlis would destroy what standing and benefits dosas had in average South Indian society. Demanding safeguards for the rights of the dosa community at large, Masala said reservations needed to be introduced in hotels for dosas and the lion's share of the menu devoted to the idlis(a mammoth two lines) be cut down. Fringe groups like Paper Masala, Rava masala, (the Telugu faction of)Pesarattu, Butter masala and splinter groups within these fringe groups, like Paper Butter masala, Rava Paper masala, Open Butter masala, Rava Open masala, Rava Paper Butter Open masala and Total Family Damage dosa, have echoed these sentiments.

However, Set, disagreeing with them, joined hands with the venerable Onion ootthappam in saying the idlis had marketed themselves successfully as good, non-fattening and easy-to-digest and no one could fault them for their success. They have drawn much flak from the dosa community for these controversial observations. Major hotels and roadside shacks across the majority dosa consuming belt in Tamil Nadu, consisting of Madurai, Vizhuppuram and Tirunelveli, organised a public burning of Set's latest book, 'Batter Pan - the dosa which refused to grow up.' Death threats have been issued against major idlis in the state and security has been beefed up especially in the city of Thanjavur, home of the Thanjavur idli. Matters came to a head last Saturday in Salem when, at a conference organised by the AIDS and presided over by Plain dosa, a thorough denouncement of the white/rice idli was carried out and an effigy of the idli was dragged through the streets of the city, beaten with slippers and set on fire. Former prime minister Atal Behari Vajpayee expressed sadness over the incident, saying the sentiments of millions of idli eaters all over the country had been hurt by this act of wanton disregard and callousness in Salem.

The vada, a close compatriot of the idli and star of death ceremonies all over South India, refused to comment excessively on the issue but sided with the extremist Idli Brothers, Akki and Rava, in demanding restraining orders on the activities of the AIDS. Adopting an unusually belligerent stance, the vada said that the dosas(dose -- pronounced though-say -- in Karnataka, dosais or thosais in Tamil Nadu, pancakes in the Western world) were trying to usurp the position earned and enjoyed justifiably by the humble idlis.

As of press time, the issue had refused to die down despite new statistics revealing that youngsters, the most powerful and targeted demographic, actually preferred avalakki(beaten rice) and diet coke to anything else. Media analysts believe that Rajdeep Sardesai is somehow to blame for all this.


Anonymous said...

dude...how do u manage to do this every single time?? U r my hero... hats off to u

Harish said...

Baritya haasyana neenu. But what gladdened me most was the mention of 'open' category dosas which are the most liberal dosas in the world. This genre of dosas represent our liberal secular ethos better than any idly or for that matter any type of dosa. In this age of liberalism and secularism, it should be mandatory that all citizens eat atleast one 'open' type of dosa everyday. It should, if possible, be made the national food. And also a political party should belaunched with open dosa as its symbol.

Harish said...

You can also say that people are being racist in preferring Idli over Dosa. enantya?

CHEEKU said...

I prefer Idli.. soft soft.. good marketing strategy.. Its shape and size must have been thought out really well during its inception into the food industry...

As usual...
Brilliantly written post..

karthik said...

i bow to u man
u r the ultimate blogger
as usual amazing post

personally i still preger dosas though heheh

Parisarapremi said...

ದೋಸಾಪ್ರಹಸನ ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿದೆ. ಬಗೆಬಗೆಯ ದೋಸೆಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಓದಿದ ಮೇಲೂ ಬಾಯೇನೂ ಅಷ್ಟೇನೂ ನೀರೂರಲಿಲ್ಲ ಬಿಡು. (ಅಲ್ಲಾ, 'ಬಾಯಿ' ಅಂತ ಸ್ಪೆಷಲ್ ಆಗಿ ಓದುವ ಅವಶ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲ ಬಿಡು).

ಆದ್ರೂ ನಮ್ಮ ಮಹಾಲಕ್ಷ್ಮಿ ಟಫನ್ ರೂಮಿಗೆ ಹೋಗಿ ಒಂದು ಖಾಲಿ ದೋಸೆ ಹೊಡೆಯೋದೆ ನನ್ನ ಮುಂದಿನ ಕಾರ್ಯಕ್ರಮ.

ಅಂದ ಹಾಗೆ, ಇದು ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಸಮಂಜಸವಲ್ಲ, ಆದರೂ ಹೇಳ್ತೀನಿ. ದಕ್ಷಿಣ ಕನ್ನಡ ಜಿಲ್ಲೆಯ, ಕೊಡಗಿನ ಕೆಲವು ಹೊಟೆಲಿನಲ್ಲಿ ದೋಸೆ-ವಡೆ ಸಿಗುತ್ತೆ. ನಮ್ಮಲ್ಲಿ ಇಡ್ಲಿ-ವಡೆ ಜೋಡಿಯ ಹಾಗೆ!

a million different people said...

naanelliDli? Oh well. dOses for the win, please.

PS: Whatever you do, you are not my hero. - Ominous, 2008. (As opposed to Anonymous, 2008. Hat ella illa.

Sandeep said...

Nange suddennagi sarrig dose tinbeku anstide.

Pesarattu yako moist writing pad tara ilva? The ones we wrote our exams in our schools.

I hate idlis with ghee and sugar.

Irli. Neevu madi hasya. Hero bere agidira.

arvindiyer said...

Absolutely amazing post.. It just made so much sense since i read it while having dosas for breakfast:)

Anonymous said...

ayyyyo! ishTu chennagi heg baritira neevu ????? this one cracked my husband and me up so badly!! :)))))) sakkkkkkat hilarious ri neevantu !!!

Vijaya said...

Superrr ... as usual :-)
No doubts about Rajdeep Sardesai being the cause for all this !!!!

tangled said...

I want to know more about Total Family Damage dosa.

El said...

I swear, if I ever have money to throw in my life, I shall make you jester of the world, so you can keep us laughing with stuff like this.


Arjun Sharma said...

[anonymous] Wow, anonymous hero-worshipper. Thanks, (hopefully) babe.

I used to drink Complan as a child. Maybe that's helping?

[harish] Yes, I knew you'd come up with that liberal dosa thing. I didn't remember the 'secular ethos' bit, else I'd have put some of that in too. Heh, party with the dosa as a symbol would have some votes going for it. Especially from the foodie South Canara people.

Yes, as I said, the racist Indian fascination with white skin is leading to the idli taking precedence over the dosa on the menu. Bleddy Indians.

[cheeku] Yes, very cleverly thought-out strategy. Must have been someone from Bangalore or Delhi. We're very good at exploiting others' weaknesses.

[karthik] It's ok, to prefer the dosa; so do I. Idlis are non-fattening, sure, but the dosa's taste is something else.

By something else, I mean good.

[parisarapremi] Mahalakshmi Tiffin Room yavdri? MTR kelidini, CTR kelidini.

Dose-vaDe? Avrentha jana? Adakke haagagirodu ansatte. No offence.

[a million different people] Why am I not your hero? What else do I have to do? I have defended the rights of the humble dosa earnestly here. I am the very Atticus Finch of breakfast items. I demand a retrial.

[sandeep] He he, houdu, Telugu cinema-nalli hero aada haage aagidini.

Pesarattu, rut-tu, idara similar sounds-na neevu bahushaha illi hOlstidira, houda? (Imagine LNR saying this with his right index finger and thumb circumscribing the periphery of his mouth)

[arvindiyer] Heh, gives you context, huh? Never intended the post to be so realistic.

[snippetsnscribbles] He he, aagle helida haage, chikka vayassinalli Complan kudeetidde. Probably some of that is left over inside somewhere and is causing some strange reactions.

You're travelling quite a lot, as per your accounts. I officially envy you.

[vijaya] Houdu, aa nan maga eno maadirtane. I had initially meant he was responsible only for the wrong statistics. But we can certainly blame him for all ills of society. Him and that Arnab Goswami.

[Tangled] It's a dosa Vadivelu makes. One of those huge, crumbly ones. Crumbles even before it reaches your mouth. Very badly made, really. But on the bright side, the price is good. Exorbitant, one might say.

[el] Er, can't you just give me tne money? That'd be so much easier. I take cheques. Or, I can wear a g-string and dance seductively, so you can conveniently insert the money in the side. No?

Oh well, guess I have to keep trying the hard way to earn money, affection and accolades. Why are you people so hard?

Jester of the world. That's a nice title. George Carlin just died, so it would be improper for anyone else to stake claim to it.

But that's one nice title.

Anonymous said...

WoW! Man!

Neevu, nim baraha, min fan clubbu amazing!!!

Idli, Dose erdakku samana hakku kodbeku yakendre adna madakke balsodu akki ne taane???

But superb aricle! :D