Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Wailing Wall feeling better

The Wailing Wall, the nearly 2500-year old wall in Jerusalem, is reportedly feeling better and is on its way to a more cheerful mood. Speaking to reporters in Tel Aviv yesterday via telephone, Yakov Ben Gadiz, Caretaker of the Wall, said efforts made by Israel and Palestine in recent years in moving towards peace had decreased some of its sorrow and led to its feeling more upbeat. The Wall was even supposed to have been heard whistling a rather jaunty tune sometime last week, Ben Gadiz said.

Supposedly built in the 6th century before Christ, the Wailing Wall was called the Slightly Morose Wall in its early days, since it was one of the few survivors of the destruction of Jerusalem, wrought by the Romans. Moods swinging like a pregnant woman undergoing PMS while on a bumpy ride through the Himalayas after paying a hefty sum for a ticket on a bad and dirty bus to a shabby fellow with unclean clothes and filthy nails, the Wall swiftly became one of the most angry walls in the Known World. Other walls spoke in hushed tones about it. The Great Wall of China, when it was just One of The Better Walls of China, has written in its diary, 'That Jerusalem wall yelled at somebody today. Such a loud yell! I could hear it all the way here. And apparently, some palace wall in India, which was in the way, went deaf because the sound hit her full blast. What a shrill bitch.'

The Wailing Wall's mood swings became legendary. The persecution of Christians and Jews across the world made it extremely angry and then sad and it began wailing sometime around the fifteenth century and didn't stop for a good five hundred years. Much angered by the Wall's persistent cries, Roger Waters is said to have written his famous song, 'Comfortably numb.'

Communist leader Jyoti Basu, who is somehow still alive and hanging on to life like grim death*, recalled his younger days, when the Wall was just being built. "I recall, those were tough times. There were no trucks or cranes to ferry materials. People had to physically carry them on their backs. Also, there were no women available on the construction site. People had to physically carry them on their backs. That is how we learned to survive, in the Communist Party. It is the secret to our long life. And tremendous scrota."

Recent rapprochements between Israel and Palestine, including Israel's gestures to open the West Bank up to the Palestinians, and reduced Hezbollah attacks, are said to have somewhat cheered up the wall. The Devastated Wall, a close friend of the Wailing Wall, confided that the Wall's nerves had been soothed by these moves by the warring factions. However, some political analysts and Middle-East experts feel that the Wailing Wall's turnaround in attitude and general affability, with it reportedly greeting its visitors, albeit greatly startling them, has been hastened by reports that the Ehud Olmert government planned to erect a new wall opposite it and call it the Ecstatic Wall, thereby adding a little more fizz to the generally glum surroundings. Tourism to Israel has taken a hit, with terrorism and suicide attacks keeping foreigners away. The erection of the Ecstatic Wall was, as a result, proposed in the Knesset by former prime minister Shimon Peres and budgetary allocation too had happened, as per Tel Aviv sources, with plans for an amusement park, a botanical garden and a multiplex cinema hall in the vicinity of the wall. This fear of losing its status as the pre-eminent wall in all of Israel has brought about the geniality in the erstwhile Wailing Wall, say the experts.

Sources now reveal that the Gol Gumbaz is going on a diet, to revamp its image, and has ambitions of being called a slim and sexy Gumbaz soon.

* Hanging on to life like grim death --> this expression may be used without prior permission, but must be duly credited to its source:- this site.


being purple... said...

You save up all your brains just so that you use them here, dont you?

Arjun Sharma said...

Yes, I don't exert them too much for work, higher education and other purposes. I use them to generate very mildly amusing little write-ups. It's a curse, but someone's got to do it.