Thursday, April 10, 2008

Couple run out of silly names for each other

Arvind and Chenchulakshmi, a Pune couple, have run out of silly names for each other, the PTI yesterday revealed. The two, who have been dating since 2004, have reportedly exhausted all possible infantile, affectionate names for one another and are now said to be undergoing a severe name crunch, leading to relationship problems and emotional lows.

"I don't know how this happened," said a troubled Arvind. "We were going along totally smoothly, calling each other dumdum, chweetiepie, sillygoose, fuzzy, lopey, wuvbird, woofy and sugarlips, after we started off with darling, baby and sweetie. Suddenly, it's like we have nothing to say to each other anymore."

"Some of the spark is gone," admitted an uncharacteristically candid Chenchulakshmi. "Before, he'd call and I'd answer and he'd call me some silly name and I'd argue about it and he'd fight back and we'd have such a good time, you know. Like, he'd say 'Hello, wumpy.' And I'd say 'Wumpy? You're wumpy.' And he'd say 'No no, you're wumpy.' And I'd go, 'No no no, you're wumpy.' And we'd have a total blast like this, talking till two in the morning. Now, I get the feeling we're repeating each other and hiding from the truth, living in denial."

The couple admitted they had tried various options, including having a threesome name-calling session with Chenchulakshmi's close friend, Bhargavi. "That was really weird, you know. I mean, a three-way affectionate name-calling joint was something I would never even have dreamed of contemplating, three years ago." confessed a shy Arvind, blushing furiously. "But we really had to try different things! The fire was dying out in the romance."

The session went pretty well, according to Chenchulakshmi, with Bhargavi contributing ably to the list of puerile appellations, most notably 'you're my poo-poo.' Subsequently, the couple also experimented with various categories of names by which to call each other. Fruits, vegetables, assorted food items("Hello, Jellybeans!" "You're my tamarind, baby."), airborne vehicles, inter-continental/medium-range ballistic missiles("I wuv you, Agni." "God, you're so sexy, Shaheen!"), fast-moving consumer goods("You'll be mine forever, won't you, toothpaste?" "Of course, my AA-size battery" "I love you, Rasna" "I love you too, Heinz tomato ketchup") and other broad areas were all tried out by them, but failed to produce the required results and keep alive the spark that had initially lit the fire of their relationship.

"Those two used to be so into each other, man. They could set each other off with just 'baby,' you know." confided close Arvind-Chenchulakshmi friend Paramesh. "Now, even 'you hot skunk' and 'you sexy skank' can't do anything. It's like something in them has died."

"It's like something in all of us has died," he added, after a pause.

Relationship psychologist Dr. Rudrappa Hampannavar says this is a common problem faced by a lot of young couples after three to four years of a relationship. "When you have been together that long, you have already got a measure of each other. You know his/her likes and dislikes, what turns him/her on/off, his/her needs/wants. The surprise element that marks the initial phase of a relationship is gone and needs to be reintroduced in different ways. For instance, I would suggest that these couples start playing dumb charades and enact the names they want to call their partner, instead of communicating with each other and actually saying it. That would involve both of them in a fun activity, also bringing closeness."

"Of course," he added, finger wagging warningly, "this should not be extended to involve some of the other activities that couples indulge in. That could be misinterpreted as a very rude sign!" leaving spectators bemused at how he achieved his degree.

Chenchulakshmi says they now need to pull through this, but that would require patience and some imaginative thinking.

"Well, what am I going to call her now? By her name?" asked Arvind belligerently, inadvertently hitting upon the right option.


tangled said...

Hahahaha. LOVED IT.
"fast-moving consumer goods" needs some examples! ^_^

Anonymous said...

Oho. Nanna hesaru tovondu levadi maadtha-ideereno. Maadi.


PS: Fine, it was slightly funnier than some of your recent posts.

Harish said...

oLLe tovonDu!

being purple... said...

You *like* her.


Anonymous said...

ROTFL.....more ROTFL !!!

bahaLa nagu banthu idanna vodi :D :D

nimma imagination, creativity (dint find the kannada words for these, adjust maaDkoLi) ge mitiye illa !

bhale Arjuna!

Arjun Sharma said...

[Tangled] Done. Fast-moving consumer goods too now have examples.


What does ^_^ mean? Is it like those anime smiles?

[Arvind] Houdu, I have taken liberties with your name, young man. Nimmanna 'tovondu' Mr. Harish N Kumar kooda illi levadi maadidare.

[Harish] He he, houdu.

[being purple] Yes, I do.

Whom? I like a lot of women, that's why.

[snippetsnscribbles] Heh, nangu gottilla, adjust maadkondidini. Thank you very much; high praise.

Idanna odi neevu nakkidira anta tiLidu bahala santosha aaytu. Heavens be praised!

I may also be praised at this point.

being purple... said...


You like may womens?

tangled said...

Thanks, thanks. Yes, it is = anime smile.

"You like may womens?" sounds like corrupted LOLcat-speak. :P

Sandeep said...

Very funny one, this. Madi.

In other news, why is this not found?

Google reader prefetched it for me and it isn't there now.

Anonymous said...

Yes. I concur. Funny one indeed.

Jai Karnataka.

Anonymous said...

this one post gives both a good laugh and a good shiver

Arjun said...

[being purple] Yes, I like may womens. June, July womens also, I like.

[Tangled] Heh, 'I can has maywomens'?

[Sandeep] That's because I had posted it, but removed it in favour of this one.

[Karthik D] Also, jai jawan, jai kisaan.

[Anonymous] Good shiver? As in, it's eerily correct? So I got it right about how relationships are after many years? All right!

Malaveeka said...


And you know why I like it, don't you? ;)

Arjun said...

[Malaveeka] Heh, yes, I do. But I won't tell.

Man, there will be major embarrassments if I do.

Rafiki said...