Saturday, March 15, 2008

War means to end peace -- Rahul

In yet another press conference filled with glaringly obvious statements, Indian Youth Congress president and Olympic gold medallist Rahul Gandhi has remarked that war was a means to end peace. Returning to Delhi from his two-day visit to neighbouring Nagaland, Mr. Gandhi was promptly assaulted and interrogated by a gaggle of girls about his visit, his solution to the problem of the Gorkhaland agitation led by Subash Ghising, his social life and the size of his--bank balance. The statement has sparked controversy and debate among scholars and commentators, with many terming it a 'brash, reckless and unfortunate statement by a headstrong, careless young man.'

Rahul Gandhi's statement caused outrage in veteran Telugu actor, 'NatakireeTHi' Dr. Rajendra Prasad, star of such films as 'Jambalakadipamba,' who spluttered, "This is a deliberate statement yegenistu the communistu gavarnamentu by the Youth Congress presidentu, especially since the firstu testu yegenistu South Africa will startu nextu weeku." "Ramudu, Ramabhadrudu, Ramachandrudu, hmm!" he added, mysteriously. Two hours later, however, former child artist baby Shamili was nowhere to be seen.

Reacting to Rahul Gandhi's statement, veteran veteran Dr. HanumantRao RaoHanumant, a mirror manufacturer from Dharwad, and in no way related to the Congress, said this statement was a marked departure from the earlier Congress party line. "Other Youth Congress presidents have hitherto toed the line of the Congress party president and have said nary a thing on their own. This is the first time a Youth Congress leader has spoken his mind and said something on his own." Mr. RaoHanumant was then warmly felicitated by the National Numismatics Society for using the word 'nary' and not appearing too gay, and was thrown deeply suspicious looks by security personnel for his surprisingly deep knowledge of Youth Congress president press conference statements. The discovery of a copy of Michael Bolton's "Timeless: The Classics Vol. 2" on his person, however, proved emphatically to the government that he was thumpingly gay and he was arrested, tried swiftly and promptly hanged, thus bringing to an end an otherwise humdrum life.

Mr. Gandhi, however, unfazed by the sometimes brutal criticism heaped upon him, has defended his statement stoutly, saying India needed strong, bold statements like this to send a signal to the international community. "The era of the high command has ended," he said, munching some kurkure, "A new age has begun." "The Youth Congress believes that the real big power lies at the grassroots level. In fact, here, the lower you go, the bigger you get" he said. This statement was echoed earnestly by punk rocker Tommy Lee, who said he even had the video to prove it.

Rhodes scholar Girish Karnad and popular cricket writer and historian Ramachandra Guha were conspicuous by their absence in the opinions section for this issue. Ace litterateur, one-time playwright and party animal U R Anantamurthy, though, spared no quarter in a relentless, unrelated and two hour-long tirade against popular novelist and Nobel Prize winner S L Bhyrappa. Mr. Anantamurthy was led away gently by his attendants after his show and is now safely ensconced in ward no. 32 of the NIMHANS hospital in Bangalore, in bed no. 7.


Harish said...

Aadaraneeya aAdvaniji has said that this statement of Rahul reminds him of the days of emergency.
Citizen journalist Rishikesh though did not want to comment.

Anonymous said...


Neevu yaako Rhodes scholar Girish Karnad and popular cricket writer and historian Ramachandra Guha mele jaasthi ne ittidira (Enu antha gothilla. Aadru.. ). Idi.

Anand Ramachandran said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anand Ramachandran said...

Much Kudos for mentioning U.R.Ananthamurthy.

An all-time favourite. Heh.

He figures in this old post of mine as well :

Arjun Sharma said...

[Harish] Of late, everything seems to remind AadaraNeeya Advaniji of the Emergency.

Citizen journalist Rishikesh, a rather outspoken critic of the administration, is curiously silent on this issue.

[Karthik D] Enu ittilla. Yaarar melo ittbidtini, asahya.

[Anand Ramachandran] He he, read that post. Great idea.

I also took this opportunity to read all the back issues of Shit, that was brilliant thing you had going there. Especially the sidebars. Why'd you guys stop that? Or is still going on somewhere I'm not aware of?