Tuesday, March 04, 2008


I made up a great quote today. It's about marriage.

"Marriage is like a penis. It needs a lot of adjustment."

Remember, you read it here first.

Why'd all this come up? Mainly because a lot of marriages quite close to home are going haywire. Many of my cousins(all girls) are calling off weddings or getting out of marriages. All the cases have been because the guys have been regressive jerks(this is the side of the story we hear. And we believe it steadfastly.) and have made unreasonable demands like "You should quit your job and stay with my parents while I stay in a foreign country, looking for a job. When I get a little stabilised, I'll have you over and we can settle down."

Or "Your father doesn't stand up when we meet. Don't I deserve to be proferred that respect? After all, I'm his son-in-law."

Could you guys please move? I think you're blocking the easy flow of faeces from my anus(don't picture that).

Marriages breaking up are quite common. In the rest of the world, never in the small, self-contained ecosystem of my family. By family, I mean the expansive system of human beings including a huge number of my relatives and their parents and children and grandparents and uncles and aunts and assorted pets. We never had any failed marriages, miserable though they were. Nobody would even dream of divorce(as a rule, I hate italicising very common words just to sound impressive and intelligent. But I really wanted to say '...would even dream'.) as a solution. Probably because the women, in most cases, were not financially independent. I'm not here to pass judgement, so I won't decide on the right or wrong of that. But the point is, despite the marriages being not-altogether-blissful, people would stick together to avoid the social ostracism and stigma associated with being, GASP, a divorcee or a divorcer(like 'widower', only happy)!

Now, the dreaded plague is striking hapless victims down within the house as well. The disease is upon us. We are not sitting down quietly and taking it anymore, in our family. We are making our voices heard.

We end marriages.

So I told my mother that the only thing left to happen in our extended subspecies was infidelity and the story would be complete, and I guffawed stupidly. She was not altogether appreciative of this bland joke.

Anyway, since none of these issues affect me greatly, I didn't think about them while I was driving home today. But I did come up with that quote. And I'm happy. That's my good deed for the day.

Additional reading -- Names for movies made by and/or about sick people:-

Mackenna's cold:- a search for the lost Adams bogies.
Schindler's cyst:- a touching tale of breast cancer.
Forrest mumps
Hart's scar
We were lepers

'Already taken, damn it!' movies:-
Dementia 13
There will be blood (I don't want to explain this)

This list may be added to by the general public.


Anonymous said...

Congrats ivre. Neevu maadthira.

Google search also congratulates you. Nimde first hit-u.
Enakke?.. Idakke.. "Marriage is like a penis. It needs a lot of adjustment."

Anonymous said...

That search also gave links to christianitytoday.com and other sites related to sex and penises.

The Paradox said...

An indian marriage is like a penis with unlimited viagra .. never falls down.

Harish said...

Shri K D avru oLLe research maaDidaare. Yaavdra bagge? Neevu heLiro quotes bagge. MaaDli.
Adhunika Bharateeya samaajada ondu piDugina bagge neevu bahaLa chennaagi bardideera anta heLidre atishayokti aagalla.

Harish said...

I had thought that breaking up of marriages for trivial things like the ones you have mentioned was something that happened only, maybe, in the 70s or 80s.

Anonymous said...

I don't really understand your analogy. Explain.


Arjun said...

[Karthik D] This single Google search shows two things. One, I have come up with a unique quote. Two, you have devoted a lot of attention to this.

Your snide insinuation that Christianity is related to sex and penises has deeply hurt the feelings of the Christian community everywhere. There will be widespread sectarian riots tomorrow, followed by a brief period of peace, followed by one more round of riots in which IT companies will be damaged in incidents of stone-throwing.

See what havoc you have wrought with your wagging tongue, you rapscallion?!

[The paradox] He he, this is the counter-culture alternative to my quote.

[Harish] Houdu, ondu piDugina bagge helidini. Irli. Neevu 'atishayokti' use maadiddu nange tumba santosha aaytu. Small joys of life.

[Harish-again-what-ho] These trivial issues seem to be, quite incredibly, big ones for the gentlemen I have mentioned-but-not-named. I never thought these thoughts would even pass through the mind of a man educated in the last decades of the 20th century. But apparently, they do.

[Nivedita] Like you didn't understand. Nudge nudge wink wink.

A penis, as an organ, undergoes much involuntary movement, unlike most other outer organs of the human male body. The average male blinks his eyes, perks his ears, sniffs with his nose, turns his head around, moves his arms and legs and, on occasion, may even wag his tongue. But it has been observed that he does not flash his one-eyed trouser snake(courtesy:- Eric Idle) very frequently. On the other hand, he takes great pains to keep it well-hidden from view, allowing it some respite only on special occasions. Such confinement to admittedly cramped quarters can make afore-mentioned human male rather uncomfortable while in sitting or crouching postures and he must resort to suitable positioning(or adjustment) of the penis(his own), in order to feel comfortable.

Marriages also involve a lot of adjustment on part of both parties involved. Some compromises have to be made on occasion, some positioning of priorities and needs, perhaps. Thus, there is adjustment involved here too.

Hence the analogy.

Anonymous said...

Ah Ok, I see what you mean.

You should do something about it.
Wear a lungi.


M said...

Sakkat observation! loved the 'remake' movies :-)))

Arjun Sharma said...

[Nivedita] I'd look like popular Tamil comedian, Vivek.

[M] Thank you. You are welcome to add your suggestions here. My memory fails me sometimes, so I might have missed out on some great ones to be remade for sick people.

M said...

hey Arjun, u ok with doing tags, eh??
See my space..tag maaDidini :)

being purple... said...

Some one made "Demenyia 13"??? Meaning there are 12 more before that????


Earth to Whatever-exists-out-there : "PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE".

Arjun said...

[M] I will follow up on this matter, shortly.

[being purple...] It's 'Dementia 13.' And no, there weren't 12 earlier movies called Dementia. This was made by Francis Ford Coppola. He just called it Dementia 13. Any decision Francis Ford Coppola takes, we must respect it. For he is he.