Friday, September 21, 2007

Of Gods and prophets and messiahs

I have never been to America. Extensive excavations in and around the Lothal area of Gujarat have failed to reveal any evidence that America ever existed. Therefore, I do not believe America exists.

But we can excuse America for not existing. It is a huge nation and can, consequently, be rather difficult to bury. However, individuals can be expected to leave stuff behind them as they went. This is where we come to the issue of Rama.

Rama undertook a huge journey. He trekked across India, defeated many kings and villains and demons along the way. He built a huge bridge across the sea to get to the teardrop island of Lanka. He vanquished the ten-headed, demonic(yet sometimes more of a gentleman than Himself) king of the island.

And yet He didn't find the time to bury a little token indicating He was real. He couldn't spare ten minutes to dig a small hole, put a kerchief or towel or a small piece of plaster-of-Paris inside it and cover it up? Did He even care about anybody or anything besides His wife and His monkeys and His brothers and the triumph of good over evil? I mean, how much effort does it take to bury something, really? He could have taken time off from branding all those squirrels on their backs with three stripes. Heck, He could even have buried a squirrel. He could have written 'Rama was here' on a tree or something, like they do in the Shawshank redemption.

No, He did none of these things. Arrogance, I tell you. What, He thought that people would believe in Him just because a retired thief/anthill conservationist would write a long poem about Him? This is an age of enquiry. Indian bridge destruction business contracts are experiencing a Renaissance like they have never before undergone. Civil engineers are questioning everyone and everything. Masons are accepting nothing as dogma. Cement, brick and mortar manufacturers, who would earlier have been branded heretics, are now bravely coming out of the dark and daring to ask questions. Nothing is sacred and axiomatic anymore; they demand tangible, substantial evidence.

Thus, Rama cannot so easily and ludicrously assume that people will believe in Him and His exploits. He has to prove everything. "How did he build this bridge? Was He a civil engineer? What engineering college did He graduate from?" thunders Karunanidhi, sporting a trendy new, yet still as useless as before, pair of glasses. Rama must now provide His birth certificate(in triplicate), His tenth standard marks card and Transfer Certificate, with 'Good conduct' mentioned in it(eighteen copies), 2nd PU/12th marks card(1200 copies), engineering degree(ten thousand copies), internship certification from V 'n' V Inc.(Vasishta 'n' Vishwamitra), caste certificate(for purposes of incineration), medical certificate, 3rd standard Hindi recitation competition III prize certificate(Bharata and Lakshmana beat Him to first and second places respectively, in the annual Raghuvamsha Gayana Spardha. Shatrughna was placed an ignominious fifth. There was no fourth place.) and whatever other documents He can come up with.

And the same goes for the other religions as well. What about Buddha? He took off on his wife and child(gentleman that he was, he left without waking them). He sat under a tree and achieved nirvana. Mohammed undertook a journey from Mecca to Medina and then came back and vanquished the Meccans.

But where's the buried proof?? No parchment saying 'Buddha leaves' or 'Mohammed was here.'

Fie on ye, all ye believers!

OK, admittedly, these prophets fare better than the Hindu pantheon, mainly because they are all post-modern. Consider Jesus Christ. They have that Turin shroud thing. Although it is 'shrouded' in controversy, there is still a tangible piece of evidence....ok even that thing is like the Ram sethu. No one can prove it contains the imprin of the face of Jesus Christ. Forget it, bad example. Who knows, it might just as easily have been Bob from Macedonia or Phil of Assyria, who'd bundled along to watch the crucifixion.

Wow, this post sucked.

14 comments:

Harish said...

'V 'n' V Inc' - idu oLLe ice-cream angadi hesaru idda haage ide..

'annual Raghuvamsha Gayana Spardha' - idu sikkaapaTTe chennaagide. illi bari Raghuvamshadavru maatra haaDtiddreno.

You have questioned the existence of Gods of other religions. Neenu tumba communal-u. Polarize maaDtya society-na.

M said...

Damn good post !!! Simply loved it and enjoyed it thoroughly!! Cudnt stop lafing throughout :-))

That VnV really rocked, I say! Cool imagination urz!

Sakkat maja ittu :-))

devil in disguise said...

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! awesome post! :)

Sneha said...

nothing exists andre ella bhrame..

the Monk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the Monk said...

Faith can move mountains, they say. Apparently the lack of it now destroys bridges.

Although, I have to say, if the destruction of the bridge can be proved to benefit more people than it does by just sitting there doing nothing, then the whole Rama thing becomes irrelevant. Not to mention irrational, which, like all faith, it already is.

Arcane Crapper said...

LMAO!!! I have been away for far too long.

"Did He even care about anybody or anything besides His wife and His monkeys and His brothers and the triumph of good over evil?"
LMAO LMAO!!!

Good one. :D

A Reader said...

"I have never been to America. Extensive excavations in and around the Lothal area of Gujarat have failed to reveal any evidence that America ever existed. Therefore, I do not believe America exists."

Okay, this idea got a little too repetitive. The first time with the 'Harish' bit was nice. But this is stretching it far too threadbare.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Harish]Naan hange kanayya. Elllllla polarize maadbidtini. Nan kaige adakke ellru capacitor kottbittu hogtare.

[m]Thanks-u!

[d in d]Thank you(for the sarcasm)!

[Sneha]Houdu, ide srushtiya moola.

Henge? Eneno helbidtini.

[The Monk]Some study says that only ships which displace less than 10m of water can pass through the finished oceanic passageway. Since most cargo ships are larger than this(otherwise, there'd be no use in using them as cargo ships), there is no ostensible economic benefit in having very small ships scurrying through the Rama canal(let's be wildly imaginative). That is, if this study is accurate.

[Crapper]You didn't miss anything. I've been harping about the same thing for a loooong time now.

[A reader]See above.

Also, 'Harish' is a real person.

Harish said...

nanna existence illi ellroo question maaDtiddaare, Arjun. Idu nyaayana?

Parisarapremi said...

ನೀನೂ, ರಾಮನೂ ಕ್ಲಾಸ್‍ಮೇಟ್ಸ್ ಅಲ್ವೇನಪ್ಪಾ ಇಂಜಿನಿಯರಿಂಗ್ ಅಲ್ಲಿ?

Kavitha said...

Post doesn't suck Arjun avare...

It makes a lot of sense....

Superb Post...

Sanjeev Priyam said...

Hi Arjun,

I am a student of Engineering from SVNIT Gujarat. I wan't to get in touch with you regarding my college newsletter. Mail me back on sanjeev8687@gmail.com.

Thanks & Regards,
Sanjeev Priyam

Harish said...

Lei, Arjuna! Hosdenaadroo bariyo!