Sunday, June 10, 2007

A concise, yet complete, history of the peoples of the neutral/third gender

It was in the twelfth century before their lord, Christ, that the peoples of the neutral/third gender were first documented to exist. They were a fierce, warlike race, fighting for the causes of justice, freedom and lower educational cess on salaried employees in all the land. Their whereabouts were said to be what is now central Kyrgyzstan, which means "Land of the forty tribes." They were one of the forty and they were the greatest; which is natural, since the others were occupied with more pressing issues like demanding free and fair elections in lands governed by warring autocratic monarchies and getting killed as a result due to a grievous misinterpretation of language and intention. They roamed all the land for no readily apparent reason, stayed where they willed, slaughtered philosophers who pointed out to them at this juncture that there really was no such thing as free will and often looted and pillaged the places where they stayed. Exactly when they got to Kyrgyzstan is a matter of historical debate.

The peoples of the neutral/third gender, or 'indifferently gendered,' as they must now be called in accordance with the Geneva International Stupid Politically Correct Terms Convention For Not Offending The Sensibilities Of Any And Everybody Who Says He Or She Is Anybody(GISPCTCFNOTSOAAEWSHOSIA), are thought to have originated in Bangladesh, as is the case with anything that occupies space and is of not much practical use to the Indian economy and GDP growth. They moved to India in the earlier part of the thirteenth century BC, when an unannounced flood in the Chitraganga(now Chittagong) province south of Vangadesha(now Bengal), the famous area of royal ill-repute in the Dakshineshwara dynasty(this is said to be the most badly misnamed dynasty. They didn't venture southward at all. In fact, the only one among them who even went out of Bengal was killed when he had taken only three steps out of Vangadesha by a misguided arrow by an angst-ridden hunter.), destroyed their homes. Upon arrival in Vangadesha, they were greeted by the Dakshineshwar king, who had no business other than roaming the borders hoping random strangers would come to their land.

The Dakshineshwar king held out a pitcher full of water(this was a precursor to the Parsis' story), indicating the land was already full and asking where was the place for the strangers. In the Parsis' case, the Parsi leader/king added sugar to the pitcher, indicating his people would mingle with the hosts and even spread sweetness among them. The leader of the peoples of the neutral/third gender, however, spat into the pitcher and looked at the Dakshineshwar king.

Only one member of the race of the peoples of the neutral/third gender survived the slaughter that followed. This person escaped to the northwest, having unholy relations with failed potters along the way, spawning two rather spoilt children. After reaching Harappa, this person suffered from big city blues and died, unmourned and unsung of. And that's ok. It was from the two rather spoilt children that the entire peoples of the neutral/third gender proliferated and became numerous. All this is documented, of course.

The history of the peoples of the neutral/third gender has been recorded by various scholars in India and abroad. The earliest documentation, dating as far back as 830 BC, is to be found in a small verse by the homosexual poet, Krtrima III, and is as follows:-

"Poorvadi chaturdikshu shanDeti vikhyata|
Purushavamshe jaata, tadaapi stana sameta|
Dhoorta gaatra, kubja mootra|
Nishprayojaka yantra|
Napumsaka charitra||"
-- "Sankshipta Bharatavarsha Charitra" , Krtrima kavi, circa 830 BC.

Non-verbatim translation:-
“Reknowned in the four directions as peoples of the neutral/third gender.
Born into the race of men, yet endowed with fine breasts.
Of formidable size, yet emitting surprisingly small amounts of urine.
Possessing a useless reproductive organ.
Such is the history of the peoples of the neutral/third gender”

The history of the peoples of the neutral/third gender is a moving one. They are now spread throughout the world, fighting still for the reduction of educational cess on salaried professionals and equal rights.

Theirs is a story.

NOTE:- All the facts present in this story are of unquestionable veracity and should be believed by everyone who reads them. Please.


Pavan said...

God! Awesome. Really funny. Especially, mainstream samskruta kavigaLu naachkobeku, of course badkiddidre, but still, antha shloka.

Harish said...

Sogasaagide kaNayya.a ondu shloka enide, atyadhBhuta kaNayya, atyadBhuta! Heeganta naanu phone alli kooDa tiLisde ninge.

Sneha Divakar said...

yellinda huduktira inta topic-gallana..

Sneha Divakar said...

yellinda huduktira inta topic-gallana..

Sandeep said...

Ms Divakar erd sali comment post madi olle redundant infomation na en publish madidaare.

Sarrrige ide. Samskruta shloka antu sikkapatte overagide. Ittidira, neevunu.

Geleyare, maadi.

Archana said...

Your blog is the fifth link when you google for Krtrima.

Brilliant topic. Even brilliant, the verse.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Pavan]Thanks, ivre! Alla, Samskruta kavigaLu yaake, yaava reetiyalli nachkobeku annodanna neevilli helilla...kiladi idira neevu!

[Harish]Houdu, neevu phone moolaka kooda tilsiddri.

[Sneha]Malleshwaram inda.

[Sneha]Eno heege, ivre. Ella aa Bhagavanta.

[Sandeep]He he, en maadli?

Houdu, erderd sala publish maadidare. Adara import namge sigli anta.

[Archana]Google ella maado ashtu effort haakidira...thank you.