Monday, April 30, 2007

Idiots -- II

The match, reduced to 38 overs, had Gilchrist pummelling the Lankan bowlers into submission. The Lankans were set the very, very difficult target of 282. But if anyone could achieve it, it would have to be Sri Lanka. They were the only team who had shown any determination and capability in this world cup, which has to be the worst World Cup to date. In any sport. Anyway, the Lankans showed they weren't made of jelly, which the other teams were made of, and fought, with Jayasuriya and Sangakkara leading the charge.

And then began MAX's show of sadism.

Before the commentator could announce the score, at the end of every over, MAX would cut into a break. They wouldn't even put the score up in the bottom of the screen, like any decent channel would do. They would instead hawk the official world cup site on the right of the screen, with that stupid lion doing Bhangra on the left. As a result, if the batsman struck four on the last ball of the over, you wouldn't know the score because of these stupid things. ESPN-Star wouldn't do that. They had no stupid lions, in the first place. They would show you other statistics, sure, but they would ensure that you had the current score and the number of overs elapsed quickly back on the screen. MAX has a great fear of viewers finding out the number of overs elapsed and never shows that. Perhaps they are afraid we might use this information, couple it with the number of runs scored and actually calculate the current run rate!!! Gasp, horrors, where would we be then?! The world economy would collapse, sheep and oxen would die by the thousands and civilization-as-we-know-it would end. So they try to keep it from us as much as they can. Even when they actually disclose this greatly classified piece of information(number of overs elapsed), they quickly take it away, replacing it with a harmless one such as the batsmen currently playing. We can't use that to calculate the current run rate now, can we? They're actually saving the world, bless them.

Also, since rain threatened to ruin play and Duckworth-Lewis was almost certain to come into the picture, the commentator(Mark Something) was telling us what the projected score could be, in his own terrible way. But no, MAX would have none of that. They swiftly swung into action, thrusting visuals of that annoying Intel ad in our faces.

Then rain did come down and ruin play and Duckworth-Lewis did come into play and the target was reduced(not too significantly). Sri lanka, by now, had lost both Jayasuriya and Sangakkara and an Aussie victory seemed certain. But silly fools like me harboured some hope that Jayawardena might recover some of the form of the semifinal, where he went berserk against New Zealand. 'twas not to be. The commentator(curiously, Mark Something again. He seemed to be there a lot of the time.) said his friends had been texting him(nothing sexual, this. He's just referring to SMSes.) about what the revised target was. He was just about to say what it was when MAX swung into action again. This time with the very irritating Visa Power ad with Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy and their "Mind and body, liver and soul!" chant or something. This ad kept cropping up every now and then and I was very angry. To calm me down, the soothing refrains of the dumb, stupid, preposterously idiotic Nokia ad with the guy chasing the mobile phones were played. This was followed up by the relaxing tones of burping in one of the stupidest ads of all time, the Aamir Khan ad for Coca Cola.

Maestro MAX then sprung a surprise, during the next break. The silly Dainik Jagran ad began proceedings, followed by the pacy, but still stupid, LG ad(with Abhishek Bacchan singing "Something real" a lot). After settling into this rhythm, MAX presented to its viewers a sumptuous feast of ads, including:-

1. The Airtel ad with the very trusting and naive and emotional grandfather and the callous son and the peacemaking, chessplaying grandson.

2. The bad BSNL ads with Preity Zinta, with sudden, unnecessary and impossible steppings-out into fields of green from lush apartment bedrooms.

3. The Pepsi Gold ad with the stupid kids giving measurements for oversized cricket uniforms because they say they'll bring the next world cup home or something. Yeah right, if MAX lets you. They'll cut you out wit another ad, kid, even if you're actually playing and winning the Cup.

4. Hyundai Santro, with Shahrukh Khan and Preity Zinta and the song.

5. National Egg Co-ordination Committee, with the kid cracking the wrists of senior Indian players. No wonder we can't win the Cup.

6. Other soft drinks.

7. The second series of MotoRokr ads, with no humour and unnecessary rap.

8. The voice-over suddenly jumping in with "INdyunn EYE-dull," making you jump out of your skin. This ad made viewers reach great emotional heights and depths. It made them connect deeply with their soul.

9. 'Bingo' fried items. Who made these ads? "Vaango, ukkaarungo, pongo. Bingo." and "Glad bangles nahin, Mad Angles from Bingo" ? The second one is a lift from a Sunil Pal gag in the Great Indian Comedy Show. I hope they've taken his permission.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

In conclusion, SET MAX can't telecast cricket for nuts. They should be punished severely for subjecting viewers to this torture for five years and ceremonially executed.

16 comments:

nivedita said...

I delicious and dugg this.

Sandeep said...

Motorokr*

Harish said...

Less said the better about Set MAX cricket telecast. As you have rightly pointed out, the telecast is extremely annoying with match-interrupting ads, insipid commentary, not showing even the number of overs bowled and many more.

But it's over. From next time onwards(until 2015,I think) ESPN-Star would be doing the telecast. That would be much better although I firmly believe they would also reSET(oLLe keTTa pun-u) their style of telecast to MAXimize(again, pun-u. I should join TOI) their revenues.

swaroop said...

Yes. Mind 'n' Body, heart 'n' soul is the most irritating ad to be made in recent times. The ad maker must be shot.

The Egg ad that you mentioned is equally irritating with one senior player(Name witheld on request) screaming out 'aaawwww' in a sad feminine voice.The ad maker must be shot

You have not mentioned that the ad featuring Preity and Sharukh is bad. Please do. It is equally irritating and the ad maker must be shot.

swaroop said...

I thought the Vaango, Bingo(Whatever) ad was good. The bangles ad isn't.

swaroop said...

Open an ad campanee. Learn Flash. Ashte.

Parisarapremi said...

ನಮ್ ಕನ್ನಡ ಚಾನೆಲ್‍ಗಳ ಜಾಹೀರಾತುಗಳೇ ಮಜವಾಗಿ ಇರುತ್ತೆ...

"ಹಾರ್ಪಿಕ್ ಉಪ್ಯೋಗ್ಸಿದೀರ..."

"ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ ಓಮಿಯೋ ಯೇರ್ ಆಯಿಲ್..."

ಕಾಡಿನಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ ಕಾರಣ ಕ್ರಿಕೆಟ್ಟನ್ನು ನೋಡಲಾಗಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಜಾಹೀರಾತುಗಳ ಸಮೇತ ಪುನರ್ದರ್ಶನ ಮಾಡಿಸಿದ್ದೀರ.. ಥ್ಯಾಂಕ್ಸ್!!

Malaveeka said...

I can't swallow the change in you.

You said 'wit' instead of with in the Pepsi Gold ad.

I too hate the ads.

Especialy the Airtel one. Use the internet to play chess, grandpa.

My exams aren't done yet.

It is taking years.

The Darkling Thrush said...

one more nitpick
:-

what is that? half smiley?

use this in a debate against privatization. it's like the blue graffiti type antiSEZ campaigns i read on the walls of majestic. *land mafia* stuck in my head.

but trust me about the ad-at-matchtimes-cribbing - more than half the mandate will be yours.

(btw, ads and cartoons are what make TV, TV.)

Sandeep said...

Neevu baritira ivre. Olle ittidira. Ivrella nimmalli ittidaralla hange.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Nivedita]Cool!

[Sandeep]Duly corrected.

[Harish]Puns duly noted.

[Swaroop]I will mention that the Santro ad is bad.

Olle shots-u.

[Parisarapremi]"Ashwini omiyo aer oil" -- olle ad-u!

[Malaveeka]Yes, 'every man changes' and all that.

Grandpa doesn't have a computer, poor fellow. That's why grandson had to come to the village to play chess with him.

Get them over with fast. God be with you.

[Thrush]There's anti-SEZ graffiti in Majestic? Wow, I didn't know people were so politically savvy there.

"Land mafia" puts me in mind of a recent, very bad Kannada movie. The lesser said, the better.

[Sandeep]Idtare, tale. Beestini ninge.

Ittru nangen bejarilla.

Harish said...

Yen iTTiddaaro?

maatig keLde.

Aamele, aa 'Bingo' ad chennaagide.

Archana said...

Sakkattu. Oodbittu(read), biddu biddu nakbitte.

mp said...

please, please, pleaaaaaaaaase take me off the roll. please.

god promise. i was pulling leg.

Anonymous said...

Neevu bhaari chennagi baritheeri..nimma ondu blog post odi, hindinadella odide...sogasaagi baritheeri. Olle englishnodane olle kannadanu nodi thumba khushi ayithu....

Sneha Divakar said...

you actually remembered all these ads... hmmm...