Monday, January 08, 2007

Goa -- IV

The fourth exciting episode of a four day trip to Goa undertaken by thirteen people not long ago

Note to uncomplaining readers:- some facts may be presented out of chronological order. This is purely an accident. Even if it isn't, do you really care?

December 24th, Sunday:-

The next morning, we all awoke in that sullen state of mind when one has had only three or four hours of sleep. Upon consultation with the gentleman behind the reception counter, we decided to head for Aguada fort and then do the beach circuit. The second car had arrived now and a bike had additionally been rented, since thirteen people could not well fit into two cars. Atleast not without some of them sustaining massive damage to their genitalia. With two people gone on the bike, there remained the matter of bundling an extra person into one of the cars(remember, there were thirteen of us in total). The honour went to Harish N Kumar, who had finished his epic performance of the previous night with a massive, unhealthy cough. He was the sixth person in the Maruti Zen that had gone to the bazar the previous night; it would now carry the combined weights of Arvind, KD, Nivedita, KK, Sneha and the newly added weight of Harish. It didn't complain. We later surmised that this was because it was at a singular disadvantage, what with it being a machine that couldn't speak and all. This didn't burden our consciences too heavily, however, and we loaded Harish into the car. In the other, less trendy, Maruti 800 sat Naveen, Rakesh, Vishnu, Rakshith(both now fully recovered from, and rather abashed due to, their hangovers) and I. Subba and Sandeep, I think, took the initial ride on the bike. Doesn't matter.

Aguada fort is a nice fort built on top of a hill which, as Naveen intelligently remarked, no sane person would be even remotely interested in invading. First of all, it is necessary to climb a
challenging hill in order to get to this fort. This in itself is a tiresome task. To top this off, if one is expected to invade a structure at the top of the hill, one can only laugh in exasperation and die. Nevertheless, it is a nice little fort, complete with a lighthouse and dungeons. 'Aguada' apparently means 'water' in Portuguese and the fort was thus named since it was the first source of drinking water that ships could get after a long, arduous voyage from Lisbon. The fort was built as a source of defence against Dutch and Maratha invaders. Exactly why the Dutch and Marathas would want to invade the fort is a question best left unanswered. Maybe we're just lazy and they were more enterprising and liked to do things like invade forts on steep hills, establish empires, brew tea and wear funny little wigs while deciding cases in courts.

The touring party that was us now split up, for the simple reason that Vishnu was driving our car. The man is astonishingly fast and, despite that, does not make the car feel it has done something awfully wrong in its previous birth and is fulfilling bad karma. Naveen attributes this
gentle treatment of the car to a lengthy lecture Vishnu once got from his father after a slight incident involving crashing awkwardly into another vehicle.
'Dude,' said Vishnu later when one of us was driving, 'you drive fast, man, it's ok. But don' know, kill the car or something.'

Seven of us(parties of one car and the bike) arrived at the fort, while the six others went missing. It turned out they had gone to a beach or something nearby and(as was later discovered based on actual video evidence) were taking pictures and videos of each others feet. This weird behaviour may be attributed to the fact some of them(you know who you are) have a foot fetish and secretly desire a footjob from whosoever is agreeable to this gruesome deal. From the video could also be discerned strange, oddly satisfied noises. Anyway, this group spent their time in an odd fashion and we went to the fort.

From then began the odd ego clashes between these two groups. Something which had never entered our 'equation' as friends(if you find whoever invented that term for use in such situations, please, on my behalf, kill him). I mean, there was an odd tension, a friction, between the party of the first car and the party of the second car. The party of the first car involved men who drove slowly and men who incessantly drove from the backseat and frequently drove perfectly good drivers insane(and, on occasion, induced periods in otherwise perfectly healthy men). The party of the second car involved men who had drunk fiercely the night before and recently purchased womens hats(Rakshith in Aguada, after I made a pitch for it that it looked like something a cowboy would wear. Somehow, after 'Brokeback mountain,' he should have been forewarned). Even during lunch that day, we ate in separate restaurants, both restaurants situated opposite each other. One served bad Chinese food; the other served extremely ordinary curd rice, in addition to other culinary delights. Naveen said there was something wrong about this, but it was kind of nice, this whole business of 'ego clashes' and all that. "It's never happened to us before," he explained. I don't know what it was, but it was, in hindsight, something which added to the trip.

The other beaches we visited that day were Goa's more popular ones:- Calangute and Baga. Calangute beach, once a village visited by stoned, unemployed hippies("Peace, maan!"), is now Goa's most popular beach, with tourists thronging it by the thousands. Indian, American, German, African, every possible racial species can be observed lazing on that beach. Or taking part in some form of watersport. Ah, speaking of watersports...

"Banana ride, saab. We will take you to a certain distance in the sea and then throw you into the water."
"Yes, that seems like a delightful thing to do, go out into the sea and drop into the water. Why hadn't I thought of that?"
"No, no, you will have life jackets and all. It is very safe. Besides, we will also be there, no? We all know how to swim, we will help you, if need be."

All but three of us decided to take up this adventure fraught with dreadful dangers and dire, disastrous, actually, it looks like fun. I'm just a pussy, wimp, chicken, sissy, pansy, wishy-washy, angelface, choirboy types. Therefore, I, Mr Harish N Kumar and Karthik D(after having tried out the life-jacket for safety and discovering it was much too reliant on natural buoyancy and luck, rather than itself, saving the wearer) opted to 'stay back and guard the belongings' of the others(you know, like glasses, wallets, purses, kerchiefs etc). The others were ashamed of having come to Goa with such mishaps of evolution, but they got over their grief soon enough and went on the banana boat ride. After they returned, Mr N Kumar and I went on a ride of this water-scooter contraption. And O it was slightly disappointing! I mean, it was delightful, skimming over the waves, riding them, 'beaching' them(you know, rise up on a crest and hit the subsequent trough really hard so as to produce a 'speedbreaker-like' effect on the water) and all that. But I didn't get to drive the thing. Perhaps the owner was afraid a few heads would literally roll if I rode the thing too close to the beach. But I was prepared to make that sacrifice.

As we were emerging from Calangute beach, I was accosted by a gentleman in a dirty shirt.
"Saab, ladies massage chahiye kya?"
I do not know why, of the four or five people standing there in our group, he picked me out to be the target of his hawking(and what sad wares he plies). Perhaps I have that look on my face(Naveen says he certainly does). Perhaps, unbeknownst to me, it is writ large on my face:- "Haven't experienced a woman's love in twenty-one long years." Or maybe God decided to take pity on me. I really don't know why he didn't approach Arvind or KD or Swaroop or Nivedita.
"What? Nahin, nahin, hum abhi, bas, nikal rahe hain. Thanks."
"Ladki dekh lo, saab, phir baat kar lo."
"Nahin, yaar, thanks a lot, but jaana hai ab."
"Ek baar dekh lo, na?"
"No. It's late, yaar."
"Theek hai, ok, ok."

We photographed and videographed boat-anchors in Baga beach, whereto we went from Calangute. It was decided, after returning to our rooms later that night, that we would bring in the Christmas of the year at a nearby church, with Naveen Menezes dressing up himself and everyone else seriously and sombrely("Eh, we have one festival every year! Wear something formal for that, not shorts."). Naveen also promised us they would give us cake and wine at the church after the mass was said, which was a major incentive for us deciding to go. All dressed, we went to the church at around 10:30 in the night.

This episode ends here

Due to restrictions imposed by the direct relation between post-length and reading interest, the following incidents have been moved to the next exciting episode of a four day trip to Goa undertaken by thirteen people not too long ago:-

Two hour masses in Konkani(now spoken only by Naveen Menezes, my uncle & his family and a bunch of deeply eccentric philanthropists from Tamenglong, land of exotic orchids).
A ride to old Goa at 1 AM at high speeds.
An inquisitive car.
Screeching turns at 100 kmph.
"Dude, what's wrong with you, man?"


Harish said...


Karthik D said...

Ollle post kaNayya. The cool game of beach football has been left out, sadly.

Anonymous said...

I resent that. I don't know why my backseat driving was taken so badly. I was the sane one there. You guys were driving like crazed fanatics (I know, redundancy).

I wasn't in any hurry to die. So, I made my views clear. You guys, on the other hand, didn't have the balls to tell me to shut up. You had to run away to another car. Sad. Sad. Tsk, tsk.


Anonymous said...

Just for the record, I did not notice any 'ego clashes'. Sadly, I have no idea what you're talking about. A few people, including myself, didn't like the look of the Chinese place. So, we went to an Indian place.

It turned out to be a horrible decision. But, hey, you make mistakes. Ego clashes, my foot.

Naveen said that? He's damn right. We've never had 'ego clashes'. Including this trip. We have had no reason to.


Anonymous said...

Swaroop drives very well. So does KD [I know you don't think so].

Even when they drove at really high speeds [Yes. Even KD. 120.], I was fine. Not having seatbelts at the back was a concern.


Anonymous said...

Next time, we're going to be a bunch of 6 or 8 people, at the most. This splitting business won't happen.


tangled said...

My tummy aches from the laughing. Boy, you are funny. Boy, are you funny!

You're missing a close bracket there, by the way.

Arjun Sharma said...


[KD]That was the next evening, on Miramar. It'll come up, soon enough.

[Arvind]Nobody was driving crazily(ok, except, maybe, Swaroop). And we did tell you to shut the hell up; you wouldn't listen. Nobody needs balls to tell anyone anything. Takes balls to listen; or somethign to that effect.

[Arvind]You're dangerously blind. You guys were acting weird that day. You're in denial. And in need of facial hair.

[Arvind]Oh you were fine? Swaroop said, on the record, "Alli nange tale kedtittu. Sumne slow aagi hogu, slow aagi hogu anta tale tintiddru ellru. KD bere city bantu, seriously heltidini, mettge hogu antella blade haaktidda. Nan kaiyallagalla, guru.'

[Arvind]Yes, 8 people will be fine. Unfortunately, certain sections of society insist on coming with us. Maybe you will have to convince KD to convince them they can't make it?

Arjun Sharma said...

[Tangled]He he, thank you. Error now corrected. Thanks for pointing that out.

Anonymous said...

"Nobody was driving crazily". Ha ha! Ok. No, seriously. I've seen the effects of a bad crash (at about 60, at the time of impact), WITH seatbelts on my brother. I shudder to think what would have happened to me at 120, "driving from the back seat".

*cough*. You might have told me to shut up. Hmm.

The KD situation. Will try. :)

I still maintain: No ego clashes, no friction.


PS: As I stepped onto the Magtube, a thought struck me:
Can there be friction where there is no substance?
And can substance be tricked into hiding from itself?

-- Dr. Gayle Nambala,
Morgan Industries Researcher

Anonymous said...

Facial hair of this kind or this?


Arjun Sharma said...

This kind.

Anonymous said...

Aha! What a look!


Harish said...

As Arvind has rightly pointed out, there were no ego clashes. We went to the Indian place because of sheer dislike of the Chinese place.Ee ego clash-u ella ninna bhrame. Ninna tale kettide.
And, yes wearing seat belt is very essential for your own safety when driving at high speeds. Gottaytalla? But yes, Arvind did a lot of backseat driving.

nivedita said...

Ego clashes? What ego clashes?

I am usually very perceptive of such emotional friction thingys and I never noticed. Very odd.

Harish said...

[Nivedita]There were no such ego clashes.All these are the author's fictitious stories.

Arjun Sharma said...


[Nivedita]You threw me out of a room and a car(that thing will die only with me). You are very perceptive of emotional thingys.

nivedita said...

I am perceptive! In fact, I'm near clairvoyant about such things. I feel your pain. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings. *sniff*

[Harish] Yes, true. But let's just humor him for once.

Arjun Sharma said...

Ape anuses, all of you.

nivedita said...

Witty comeback and all.

swaroop said...

I want to know more about 'The inquisitive car'. I am all excited!

And yes, the drive on that narrow highway at 1AM was chilling.

swaroop said...

Driving without seatbelts is FUN. Driving like a chicken is not. "Speed thrills but kills(some)".

Sandeep said...

Olle Stephen King du 'Green mile' serial novel thara ide. Except there is no one with genital problems. Or wait, is there someone?

Harish said...

Goa - V

Coming soon...?

Arjun Sharma said...


[Swaroop]Inquisitive car, please. Very well parked.
Driving without seatbelts at 120 is stupid, not fun. Backseat driving is a social evil, but a greater evil is careless driving at 120. Eneno helbeda, sumniru.

[Sandeep]Ha ha, did you 'sniff' that problem out?

[Harish]Tayaragta ide.

The Darkling Thrush said...

quite the funny i say!

of course, i kinda lost track of who's who. but that's okay.

and isn't it feni?

there's a squashed mosquito on my monitor.

looking forward to more.

=D hope it was a blessed trip.
and, happy new year.

swaroop said...

It's not stupid. That is all I have to say.

Anonymous said...

I got dizzy reading all the 4 parts together.

I'm not sure if I actually understood anything except that it was fun. :)

Arjun Sharma said...

[Darkling Thrush]Nice name, this. Happy new year to you too.

Even we often lost track of who's who and would suddenly greet someone who had come along with us with "Hey who the hell are you?" It's ok for you to feel that way.

I saw some places advertise it as 'fenny.' Could be 'feni' too, I don't know.


[Arcane Crapper]It was fun.