Thursday, January 04, 2007

Goa -- III

The third exciting episode of a four day trip to Goa undertaken by thirteen people not long ago

Five men in varying states of melancholy sat around on one bed at midnight in Goa watching foreign men play football. Three others were in another room(which emitted a strange stench of stale chutney), in varying states of inebriation and a piteous outpouring of their grief. Five rogue individuals were in an exotic bazar, surrounded by a bevy of Caucasian women and being total idiots about it. A very incongruous audience to such a magnificent(apparently) display.

"Hello. Arjun, it's me."
"Yes, tell me."
"Oh you should have been here! Sooppperb, this place!"
"No, seriously, it's brilliant. You would have enjoyed it thoroughly."
"Harish was also asking to come along. I couldn't say no to him and take you along now, could I? So--"
"Sorry, ma'a. Seriously."
I looked at the four fully grown men staring at me have this conversation at about half past midnight.
It ended thus.

A few minutes later, the slow one(KD, for those who came in late) called up with much the same information, but a little more enthusiasm about the presence of a multitude of Caucasian women with flawless skin and a severe lack of fabric to don upon their persons.
"Oooh, lo!!"

We sat around idly eating the food Sandeep and Rakesh had brought up from a neighbouring hotel(where too, Rakesh said, Sandeep had sat morosely in a discreet corner while waiting for Rakesh to pay the bill). Then, one Harish N Kumar fell asleep. And O mightily he snored! Showing a disconcerting lack of respect for governmental ordinances against decibel levels past eleven at night, Harish embarked on what I later supposed was a subtle treatment of Chopin's Fantaisie-Impromptu in C-sharp minor. Awed by this virtuoso performance by a seasoned Maestro, Sandeep, Naveen, Rakesh and I quietly left the room, paying homage to a legend's skill.

At 1 in the morning, strangers in a strange land, where could we go? We decided to take a walk around 18th June road, Panaji, where our hotel was. We were a few metres up the road when we spotted this sign outside a little hotel/coffee shop:-
"Happy hour:- 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM"

Curiousity suitably piqued, we entered this place, called "Aunty Maria's" and lo, we had a gala time! 1 AM, though a Charlie Chaplin short film, is not at all a funny time to be having food, drink, anything in Panaji. People arrive well-dressed at this hour to partake of whatever offerings are available for the partaking. And it was here that the four of us laughed the hardest we had laughed in a long time. It must be remembered here that Sandeep was deeply drunk and I was tipsy to the point where anything was funny. Very, very silly things would set us off and, at one point, we actually had to get out of our chairs and hold on to our sides, so hard did they ache from laughing. Two jugs/flasks of coffee and one, rather small, cake/truffle(Sandeep may be consulted on the spelling), we ordered. Since it was Happy Hour, there was a 25% discount on the food(not the coffee). We postulated that this Aunty Maria coffee shop visit might perhaps prove to be the highlight of our trip. It struck me as an interesting point, and I put it across to the others, that this was perhaps the only place where we could drink coffee during Happy Hour. At that, there was more manic laughter. To top it all off, Sandeep said, eyes slightly bloodshot, "Ollle gala time-u" and we fell to the floor, bursting with laughter. We were embodying the spirit of Happy Hour to the core. And then the bill arrived and the fellow had totalled up 70 and 30 as ten and that set us off again. "Software problem," the man who brought us the bill explained. At that, Naveen, I think, said it must have been some programmer like us who wrote the damned software and we laughed in agreement. I don't remember ever laughing at any hotel/restaurant/coffee angadi so hard.

Aunty Maria's, thank you.

When we went back to our room, it was around 2 AM and Harish had now switched over to Vivaldi's "Concerto for two mandolins." The five twerps who had gone to the bazar had not yet returned. This was easily explained away by the fact that KD was the driver and Arvind, the backseat driver(if you know the two of them, that'll be enough to know the situation). They arrived in due course of time. In a curious chain of experiences for them(they related these later), Sneha had puked four times during their bazar vacation, including once upon a hapless security guard, a shopkeeper at the bazar had said he wouldn't even let Nivedita touch some commodity for the price she was bargaining for(I make no sleazy allusions here) and KD was driving slowly. Oh wait, you already know that. If you meet them, they will tell you he drove at a hundred or a hundred-and-twenty that night. Laugh.

Many tales they carried, from the bazar. We listened to none of them. We made Arvind, Nivedita and KD walk with us to a round bench-like structure in front of a church nearby and sit there for no apparent reason as we cracked increasingly asinine jokes. And cracked ourselves up over them. We took pictures of them sleeping after we went back(this was after treading slowly on the way back, after mistakenly assuming two men in uniform were policemen and not, as they turned out to be, security guards of some establishment) and disturbed them by playing our ringtones(mine, to tell the truth) as they were trying to sleep.
"Eh shut up, ya!"
(Ringtone continues.)

When we finally got to sleep, after watching an episode of 'Friends' at 3:30(for some reason, that sitcom kept playing the whole day on Star World), we were in the mood for singing. An ancient Sanskrit poem we had read in high school(Sandeep and Swaroop are particularly adept at singing this), Dr Rajkumar's powerful rendition of "Ashwamedha"(including the sound effects and a particular stress on words like 'jwale' and 'benki'), Dr Rajkumar's brilliant English song from 'Operation diamond racket'(the inadvertenly sleazy-sounding "If you come today, it's too early. If you come tomorrow, it's too late. You pick the time."). But all this would happen the next night.

I haven't even come to the second day yet.

In the fourth episode, look forward to such exciting stories as:-

A ride to Old Goa at 1 AM(again) in one car and one bike. At 120 kmph.
Banana boat rides, water scooter rides. Aguada, Calangute, Baga.
Ego clashes.
"Saab, ladies massage chahiye kya? Ladki dekh lo, phir baat kar lo." "Er.."


Rakesh said...

you missed the way we feared "POLICE" and trudged back to the hotel....

Harish said...

Dear Sir,
There has been a factual error here. We sang those songs the next night. And I was also part of the 'singing troupe' that night.
Thank You
Harish N Kumar

Harish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Harish said...

Next day, I was in the car that KD was driving. And I can assure readers here that, with KD in the driver's seat (no pun here), and Arvind in the backseat giving instructions like' "wear seat belt", "cycle is coming, slow down" and the like, the car speed barely touched 70-80km/hr on clear wide highways.So there was no chance of him driving at speeds of 100-120km/hr. Those are plain exaggerations.

Harish said...

Ollle preview bere, next episode-ge!

nivedita said...


But we also went to that church place that night after we came back, remember?

Nish=) said...

Highly Entertaining !! 5 stars !!!

sneha_april said...

wait.... i dint puke on any security guard...

Harish said...

ollle 'dint' ivraddu.

swaroop said...

[Harish] 'Dint' odi sik sikkapatte nagu bartide. Tadyakkaagtilla.

[Arjun] Nimma kaaryakrama tumba chennaagi moodi bartide. 'Samvaada' karyakrama nu itkoteera munde neevu?
Olle excitement generate maadteera neevu, Mr.Sharma.

swaroop said...

Your talk about KK's drinking habits is damn funny! I think it was featured in part 2.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Rakesh and Harish]Yes, some slight factual mess-ups here and there have occurred. I will correct them in the coming days. Don't have a cow or a period or whatever. And thank you, Mr N Kumar, for vouching for KD's safe driving habits. Many people will now heave sighs of relief and feel safe.

[Nivedita]Yeah, that will be added in the edited version of 'Goa -- III.'

[Nish=)]Thank you!

[Sneha]That's what the other four said. You can hit them if they're wrong. Or maybe puke on them too? :)

[Harish]He he, olllle dint-u.

[Swaroop]Houdu, Shimogadalli 'Goa -- samvada' karyakrama itkondidivi. Neevella sakutumba, saparivara sametavagi barbeku. Olle kaagegala thara.

Alla, aa KK ashtondu altruism torstirovaga, taane ella kudidu, naavu chooradru help maadodu bedve?

nivedita said...


nivedita said...

"Many tales they carried, from the bazar."

That sounds like a line out of LOTR.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Nivedita]Vodka hangover aagide ninge. Why else would you be so excited about such an absurdly short person?

LOTR-aa? Olle high praise-u.

tangled said...

Why can't I have adventures like this?
Next time I demand an invitation. Even if I don't know anyone there.
So there.

I had to get out of the chair to hold on to my sides for this installment. Wonderfully written!! :D

Malaveeka said...

I love tic tic tic...


Even I want invites.

Superbly awesome.

i can imagine the vociferous 'benki' and jwala.


I'm snorting laughter while I'm supposed to be working on an accus\rsed moot.

Anonymous said...

thoroughly entertaining!

what could be better to read at 1am

Roshan said...

Very Entertaining Indeed! Niv kept asking me everyday if I had read your post, which I obviously hadn't. Tonight I finally got about to reading your posts. And now I'm eagerly waiting for Goa-IV...the preview looked good.

swaroop said...

If Goa-IV is not released within the next 24 hours, you will be severly punished.

Harish said...

Ninage Goa-IV release maaDakke, censor boardnoru enaadroo tondre koDtiddaara? That, used to be the case in the 'saffron' regime. In these 'liberal ' times, haage aagbaardu.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Malaveeka and Tangled]OK OK, next time neevu banni. Ellru hogona, enante?

[Malaveeka]The stress on 'jwale' and 'benki' is particularly unnerving if you aren't expecting it. Olle bhaya aagatte.

En moot maadtidiro?

[freak]Thank you!

[Roshan]Unfortunately, Goa IV hasn't as many exciting episodes as this one. Nivedita attributes this to a lack of alcohol in the subsequent incidents.

[Swaroop]Yes, your Honour, I have done as per your request.

[Harish]He he, illa, haagen aagtilla, Harish. Sadhya, aa fascist, divisive, communal government hogi ee liberal, inclusive, secular government bantu. Illdiddre Internet-ne ban maadbidtiddru avru.