Monday, December 11, 2006

Relationships

This guy drove slowly in front of me in his fat car while talking on his mobile phone. Naturally, this incensed me to a great extent and I yelled at him. Something rather unintelligent like "Hey!!" What stopped this "Hey!!" from getting across from me to him was a strategically pulled-up window-glass. This angered me even more. There's a perfectly good green signal ahead of us. And since we're emerging from a not-quite-as-important-as-the-others road, it won't stay green for long. And there are a lot of us waiting to get across. And this idiot, who was probably sold to renegade stem-cell researchers when young, drags his metallic behind s-l-o-w-l-y. Blocking everyone's progress to the other side of the signal.

Now I did what any reasonable man would do at first. As iterated before, I said "Hey!!" When he did not heed this erudite cry, I went a step further. Emboldened by the fact that the window was down, and the more important fact that he and I were of equal builds and I could take the stupid bastard(should he decide to pick a fight) and beat his pasty face to a pulp(I know no one'll believe me capable of that; I won't try convincing you anyway. But tell me that when I'm not very frolicky and I'm going to beat your pasty face to a pulp), I suggested to the idiot that he and his mother shared more than a familial bond. I insinuated that he and she often canoodle.

He didn't hear even this and I was most disappointed. I ascribed the following qualities to him:-
1. He canoodles his mother.
2. He canoodles fauna of a canine disposition.
3. He canoodles fauna of a bovine disposition.
4. He canoodles fauna of a porcine disposition.
5. He even canoodles flora of the above dispositions.
6. If nothing, he canoodles himself with his left hand.

These interesting relationships made me somewhat sympathetic towards the man. How does he manage them all, I wondered. Then, I cast aspersions about the legitimacy of his parents' marriage and went home.

[Note:- When you click on 'frolicky' above, check out the funky music that plays. What, you still haven't clicked on it? Do it, idiot. It's the awesomest, gayest music on the Net. It plays for a short while and abruptly stops, but it puts you in a happy place.

If you actually liked it, stay the hell away from me.]

12 comments:

Pavan said...

Did he actually hear you say things about him and his mother? Did you cross the signal in time? More importantly, its a bad thing if a guy canoodles himself with his left hand? What if he's left handed?

Malaveeka said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Malaveeka said...

he he...

chennagide!

canoodling?

You sound like Chandler Bing!

With an intense Robert DeNiro thing not happening.

Harish said...

oLLe 'Traffic Signal' kathe. Adirli, 'canoodle' pada prayoga tumba chennaagi mooDi bandide.

Harish said...

That site has no music.
ella ninna bhrame.

tangled said...

Bwahahahahahaha I louwes.
Early in the morning
loffing loffing

Arcane Crapper said...

"5. He even canoodles flora of the above dispositions."

ROTFL!!!

PS : The frolicky music sounded like something off a Walt Disney cartoon...

Sandeep said...

No meesik. But I like site.

Sandeep said...

I just installed Microsoft ActiveX control. I hear the music now. And you know what, I like it. It's called 'The Peanut Splitter'.

The lyrics goes something like this:

"Peanut spitter carry me!
Peanut spitter set me free!
Take me where I want to be; Llama carry me!

Woke up this mornin'
And I looked at the rising sun.
Peanut spitters everywhere sayin'
Frolic, everyone!"

I LIGE IT!!

Sandeep said...

And there are 3 versions:

The one you heard was the reggae version, there is a 'Ska' version and the other one is a secret techno version.

Anonymous said...

Let us go over your logic once more ...
. I pain you hard.
. You call me real bad things
. Then you assume that all that might be true.
. Then you feel sorry for me cause I am such a soup.
Thats real good stuff, kind of reminds me. "Then Swami started associating all the bad qualities to krishna with his iron determination to get 6 annas for an unripe mango and then started to feel sorry for rama who might be getting cheated by the evil krishna. Rama was compared to pea who was cheated by all the people "

Arjun Sharma said...

[Pavan]I crossed the signal in time. I don't know if he heard me. And left hand? I don't know, man, no comments on that issue.

[Malaveeka]He he, 'canoodling' channagide, alva? And about the DeNiro look, don't judge me by that photo. I actually pull off quite a good DeNiro from "The Godfather II" act.

[Harish]Bahala-ne thanks-u. Harish, neevu mahaneeyaru. Aadru peddaru. Aa site-nalli music ide, sariyagi kelsko.

[Tharunya]Aes.

[Arcane Crapper]He he, yeah.

[Sandeep]I knew all that.

[Anonymous]OK.