Thursday, November 23, 2006

Story, write thyself

After a long time, I tried writing something. It began as a short story and finished as a 'short' story. At eleven pages, it is rather long for a short story. A small idea that I had after a long chat with Karthik, quite independent of the subject of our chat, got me excited enough to put it down. I can't say the idea has been put into words very well. But that's an inevitable consequence of impatient men having ideas. Notice I say 'ideas' and not 'good ideas' or 'great ideas.'

This was a new experience for me. Usually, I come up with one or two great lines, fumble around for a plot that can contain these lines, give up and go watch a movie. Like this grandiose novel I had planned to write(in November 2003, I remember). I was in the loo when, for some reason, I had an idea(a cliche, you say? It actually happened.). I came up with what I thought was a wonderful opening paragraph for a novel. Here it is:-

"The old man died on a nice,bright,sunny Sunday morning. Since this seemed a curious thing to
do on a nice,bright,sunny Sunday morning,the police were called in to investigate the matter.
Initial scuttlebutt seemed to suggest a heart attack but the police dismissed this as emotional
nonsense. When the post-mortem report arrived,it confirmed that the cause of death was,indeed,
a heart attack. The police official in charge of the investigation was summoned by head-quarters,
severely reprimanded and promoted to assistant commissioner of police.

Since old men do not,as a habit,die on nice,bright,sunny Sunday mornings,it would be quite profitable if an account could be obtained of what exactly happened to the old man...."


Thus began my Mahabharata-meets-the-Lord-of-the-Rings-meets-bad-humour attempt at writing a novel. It proceeded rather well until, after having written a hundred and twenty four pages, I was stuck. I still am. That story lies unfinished yet(poor Nivedita and Karthik were victims of my beta testing for that one. Probably Harish too, if I remember correctly. So sorry!).

This most recent attempt of mine began similarly and I was afraid it would end in like fashion too. I don't know why but I thought of this:- "We offer you premium life termination services at utmost convenience to you:- death in your backyard, at the seaside, wherever your heart desires." Since that seemed a very promising line, I put together a rough plot and wrote something. This time, too, my test victims remain the same(oh, with the addition of Arvind and Swaroop, sorry.). I can only apologize again.

Right now, I have this line, but I don't have a plot for it. Any suggestions?
"In a remarkable display of culinary capriciousness, he destroyed the world."

11 comments:

tangled said...

I want to be a beta tester!!

c'est moi said...

@Arjun: It was a dark and stormy night.... There was just him and the remanats of the week's nutrition... Cold. Congealed. *Hoping that helps to take the "story" forward...*

Arjun Sharma said...

[Tharunya]You sure? OK, you're appointed.

[Suhasini]He he, you've begun a funny graphic novel. I like eet!

Harish said...

[Harish]I have actually enjoyed 'beta testing' your novels.

Malaveeka said...

Hello!

How's ya been?

Arjun Sharma said...

[Harish]Thanks, man! You great!

[Malaveeka]Hello! Been fine. You? You've been away a long time.

Pavan said...

I have linked one of your blogs in one of mine. I thought I'd let you know. Dont have to pay royalty and stuff right?

And I have no suggestions to make. Sorry. But do I have to like pass some sanity test to become a beta tester?

Arcane Crapper said...

Then the vile villain's nemesis, China-Man, threw a stale fortune cookie at him piercing his skin just the way a banana cuts through a concrete wall.

The fortune cookie broke and a piece of paper flew out of it in a graceful arc. China-Man caught it, and he looked at his foe with renewed vigor and hate, which emanated from his chinky eyes.

He said, in a voice that shook (no, not the foe) in a chinatown-like voice - "Baaad boy! Confucius say, youuu go to jail."

Shalabh said...

I'd like to read your horse shit too
Also does it invole materialistic awards of any sort ?

Arjun Sharma said...

[Pavan]No, no royalty. Are you mad?

No sanity test required.

[Arcane Crapper]Very nice, very nice!

[Shalabh]Er, you would like to read my equine excrement? Whatever.

Shalabh said...

@Arjun
Did I just get rejected to read your crap ??
This is the biggest insult in my life!