Saturday, November 11, 2006

Eye witness

Dr Vinay Murthy, s/o Dr Ramachandra Murthy, c/o Prabha Eye Clinic(yes, all leading capitals), was scheduled to be the doctor...nay, ophthalmologist who would check if the power in my eyes had increased. My mother had called up and fixed the appointment at 10:30 and she duly accompanied me because, of course, being 21, I could not take care of myself("aww, she cares for you so much." Shut up.). We arrived at the clinic promptly at 10:40 and were seated without much ado in the 'waiting area' or whatever it is that place outside the doctor's room is called. Then, one of the assistant doctors called me in.

"Arjun Sharma?"
"Yes."
"Sit down, please."
"Yes."
"Please sit straight and look at the mirror there. You will see the letters. Please close your left eye with one hand and try to read them."
"I can't see a thing."

She looked up at me from the sheet she was reading and laughed.
"You'll have to put your glasses on!"
"Oh....yeah, this is better."
"Good, now read."
"DHLEN...CTPALO...D....no, can't read the third line."
"OK."

This amusing exercise went on for a while. Then, she sat herself down on the official-looking chair opposite me and asked me to put my chin on that chin-receptacle they have in one of those eye-testing instruments. I did that and she peered closely into my eyes. I thought to myself this was probably the only way I could look deep into a woman's eyes. Or rather, she into mine. I should probably have shared this observation with her; she seemed ready to be amused by anything to do with me. Anyway, after this, she did the clockwork orange thing. That's where she caught hold of my eyelids and folded them firmly back up against my eyebrows, making them boldly go where no eyelids had gone before. Don't picture it. My eyelids were folded back against my eyebrows. Much like Alex's in the movie when he was being made to viddy all those horrorshow films. The good doctor then shone a bright light into my eye and asked me to perform optical gymnastics of various kinds(look left, right, up, down, up and to the right, to your right shoulder, at my ear etc.). Tears streamed from my eye and I wanted so badly to scream "But I'm healed!! I'm healed, sir! You needn't take it any further. I've learned me lesson, sir. I've seen now what I've never seen before. I'm cured! Praise God!" and run away fast as feet would flee.

But I didn't.

She then asked me to wait outside. Then began the dropping. One of the assistants came along and poured eyedrops into my eyes. I was asked to shut up(my eyes) and sit there for an unspecified amount of time. This turned out to be twenty minutes. After this, a different assistant came out and checked my pupils(these are things in the eye) to see if they had dilated. He pronounced my right eye satisfactorily dilated, but expressed reservations about my left. So, he poured drops again and bade me wait for some more time. I would catch more shut-eye, much against my will. Twenty more minutes and the assistant of the first instance came out and checked my eyes. One more time, liquid made its way into my eyes. I strongly suspect that today was the expiry date for a lot of the stocks of eye-drops they had and they wanted to finish them off without anything going waste. So, had I kept my mouth or any other orifices open, drops would have gone down them as well.

After the third time, I was deemed worthy enough to meet the doctor himself. I felt like Willard meeting with Colonel Kurtz. A quick examination(with much of the same procedures as the much-amused assistant doctor earlier) and he pronounced me more powerful than last year. Then he said my vision would be blurred for a large part of the remaining day.

He wasn't kidding. It was as though someone had zoomed in a bit too much on a photo of the world. And light caused so much pain! I had made the mistake of driving to the clinic and driving the stupid car back home was great pain. One or more of my eyes kept shutting down automatically every now and then and I kept crying involuntarily.

Ella vidhiya aata(All Fate's games).

Conversation of the week:-
JK(Jayakrishna):- "Clifton, why don't you get that cute German into our team, man? We need more people here."
Clifton:- "You only get her, yaar."
JK:- "Me? How will I do that?"
Clifton:- "Go tell her, I want you to test my application."

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Was she hot?

The ophthalmologist's assistant.

Arjun Sharma said...

No, but she was pleasing to look at. When she wasn't shining the INSANELY BRIGHT LIGHT in my eye.

tharunya said...

Oh, oh, oh.
I miss opthalmologists' offices.





Hmm. Perhaps not so much.

Harish said...

Houdu. Dhoorta Vidhi.

Anonymous said...

Houdu maga. Vidhi tumbaa keTTaddu. But on a serious note looking at your opthalmologist incident, it is really weird that a doctor has three, four or n assistants. One to hold the chin,other to pour drops, one more to hold nose and so on and so forth. Really weird maga.

swaroop said...

Those dialation drops are really really bad man. Nothing can be done the whole day. You were crazy to drive back home, you fool.

c'est moi said...

@Arjun: I am vain. *hopes the universal forces-that-be dont react*. As long as I cn remember back, my utter sweety-pie of an Opthalmologist hassent me off with a toffee and a "Yup! 6 on 6 again!" But I could relate to an equally distressing scenario at the Dentist... Not 'cause I have cavaties but 'cause of the painful wisdom teeth thingy! And he isnt even hot! :(

And sorry, but that pic was kind of scary... But heck! Maybe you do look all nice when not on a truck in the middle of the night!

Cheers!

*just felt like saying "cheers" ... so...*

Arjun Sharma said...

[Tharunya]You miss them? I, sadly, will have to get used to them for the rest of my life.

Your ophthalmologist experience is quite picturesque.

[Harish]Aes, what to do?

[curiousmoron]No, no one held me down while others pumped drops down my eye.

That eye clinic is huge. So, they have a lot of doctors.

[Swaroop]What could I do? I couldn't leave the car there, could I?

[Suhasini]Not even hot? Bad luck!

Curiously, I haven't been to a dentist in about thirteen years.

Yes, I am insanely attractive when not on a truck in the middle of the night(You should see how hard I'm trying to keep my face straight when I'm saying this.).

c'est moi said...

@arjun: I can imagine how!!

Shalabh said...

tell me more about that cute German