Wednesday, October 25, 2006

U toking 2 me???????????

SMS lingo will spell the death of the English language. Not good English; just normal, spoken English. Agreed, SM, by definition, precludes finely crafted sentences and stuff. But this language should be kept limited to SMs, not thrust upon the world, 'in-your-face,' even in places which support slightly longer messages. Like emails, instant messengers and the hideously misused Orkut.

Here is a list of things which are widely used by people in a wannabe cool manner, without due investigation into their true meaning:-

tat:- an action which provokes an equal and opposite reaction(ref:- 'tit for tat'); one of several species of moody salamander found off the coast of New Guinea; a penis, upon the flashing of which a reciprocative flashing of a female breast is expected(slang. Ref:- 'tit for tat').

dis:- comment derogatorily/offensively, heckle; the sound produced by an exploding pus; pass wind in easy installments.

wat:- of or relating to the extrovert mouse population of Chicago, Illinois, USA. (eg:- "Come outta that hole, you wat! Capone wants ya!").

dere:- one of two sexual positions adopted by the people of the mysterious island of Atlantis; rude Irish epithet.

gr8:- the telephone code of the last known camp of Robert Scott.

de:- without, sans; Bengali surname.

ppl:- a very tough undergraduate course in law;

wid:- take up arms against barnyard creatures which repeatedly invade your crops; to marry someone knowing it will fail.

dem:- a damp hole in the vicinity of a bandit's hideout.

l8r:- the code transmitted by Captain James T Kirk whenever he wanted to go where no man had gone before, vastly ignored by his crew;

A sample extricated from literature:-
'zblood, your dis, it stinks to Hell!
'tis a tat which reeks as a quietus.
I did thee wid in hopes of dere.
But, by Toutatis, my life turn'd to a dem
with nary a sign of hope, ever.
I leave now, to meet you nev'r.
So l8r, l8r, l8r.
But O meretricious...
(The poet was killed at this point.)

Imagine, if this thing had been around thirty years ago, it would have wreaked havoc on the movie lines we love so much.
"U toking 2 me????????? U toking 2 me????????? Who de hell else u toking 2, huh????????? Well I'm de only 1 here. Who de fuck do u think ur toking 2?????????"

"Dere was me, tat is Alex, and my three droogs, tat is Pete, Georgie and Dim."

"De name's Bond, James Bond."

"De gr8est trick de Devil ever pulled was convincing de wrld he dint exist."

Of course, some people are beyond help:-
":) happy diwali, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


tharunya said...

Laugh-out-loud funny, bubba.
But I resent the inclusion of gangsta slang in your targets. Contractions, yes; definitely. But is a wonderful thing, yo.

Peace out.

swaroop said...

HA HA!! I agree ya!
I used to use these before. But now, when someone writes this way I say, "Oho".

Kashuval lyaanvage yaako odakke asht sari iralla anta kantakka, Soma, Raju, Seeta, Maata, Chamundi mattu maneyavaru heLtaare(BaLLaari inda).

swaroop said...

I refuse to "Leave my comment" I cling to it.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Swaroop]Idiot, enu kelsa ilva? Haagadre bega manege hogu. Sigona ivattu.

[Tharunya]Gangsta lingo, I'm not knocking on. It was just an example.

Harish said...

There are many many blogs in the 'blogosphere' written in the sms-english. It really is very saddening. What amount of typing can people save by writing 'tis' instead of 'this'?
Kaale kettu hoytu kaNayya! Nodrayyaa, Kailasam, hege baritiddru Englishna? Class English kaNayya avraddu! Eega aa tara yaaroo English bareyore illa kaNrayyaa.

Arjun Sharma said...

[Harish a.k.a Guru]Yeah, very irritating, it is.

Kailasam bidi, Devrantha manushya. Hennu makkala bagge avarigidda gourava gotte idiyalla?

Though that has no relevance here, I mentioned it. I am now eligible to appear on NDTV/CNN-IBN.

CuriousMoron said...

Guru,bari ashTe alla. Innoo saakashTu ide.

There is nothing called 'come' on SMS/Orkut/chat. It is only 'cum'. Imagine if someone tells you 'cum onln'. How the heck can someone 'cum' online?

I too wrote a post on this. See it here.

Nice blog maga. I will add you to my blogroll. :-)

subbu said...

Ha Ha!! But more seriously, this is sad isn't it....see you at the funeral of English as we know it (I predict it will be somewhere around May 2010 )

K-Man said...

You are genius!!! YOU ARE GREAT!!! You are extricating from me copious amounts of Appreciation and Laudation!!!

Arjun Sharma said...

[curiousmoron]Read your post about the testimonials. Hilarious! Thanks for that one.

I suppose one would have to resort to socket programming to 'cum onln,' pardon the lame geeky joke.

[Subbu]Yes, my friend, it's sad. I will bring a hearse to the funeral of English. You bring the corpse. I cannot bear to look at the mutilated carcass.

[Karthik]Thank you!!!!!!! I see we've all had thoughts...strong feelings about this at roughly the same time. You wrote about the ToI and Salar Jung errors. Liked it!

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